(Updated) Nintendo Quits Making Video Games

Friday, April 1st, 2016

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An example of Nintendo’s Hanafuda cards.

In a prepared statement read today at the company headquarters in Kyoto, Japan, Nintendo Co. Ltd. announced that they have exited the video game industry due to the immense backlash over the modification of the Fire Emblem: Fates petting mini-game for the title’s North American release.

When asked what the entertainment juggernaut intended to shift its focus towards next, Nintendo CEO Tatsumi Kimishima paused for a moment before announcing that Nintendo were “going back to their traditional roots” by focusing exclusively upon the “Hanafuda cards” that the company was initially built upon.

CEO Kimishima also stated that designs for the cards would be available shortly after the press conference on the re-designed and re-launched Nintendo website.

More on this story as it develops.

UPDATE: Since this story was published earlier today, fan response over the announced Hanafuda card designs has been fierce.

Early reports show that Nintendo has slightly deviated from the original 1800’s Hanafuda card back designs that are currently set for release in North America, and fans are now decrying that this is yet another example of censorship by the Big N. They also claim that it is a deep betrayal of the Hanafuda industry by a once-cherished card manufacturer since this morning.

Nintendo has yet to comment on this shocking, but not unexpected, turn of events.

About Quentin H.

Likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. And video games. Cannot forget those video games. Anime too. Should not forget that either.