By David Rawlings / February 14th, 2013
Aww, Valentine’s Day. The day of love, the day of passion, the day of companionship. So what better way to celebrate this romantic occasion then compiling a list of the video game characters that almost found their ‘chosen one’ but had it rudely snatched from them by fate… or Sephiroth. That’s right, the heartless members of Oprainfall proudly present the Top 6 Unrequited Loves (in video games).
Images courtesy of Brodie Dayton-Mills
NOTE: The following article contains spoilers. These spoilers will be hidden. To view the spoilers simply highlight over the gap between *SPOILER* and *END SPOILER*.
Get your hankie’s ready, this article’s a real tearjerker.
6. Zael and Dagran (The Last Story)
Oh come on. You must have noticed the same thing we did! It’s plain as day. From the moment these two met, as young un’s, you could see in their eyes that something was there. Both impressionable, both living on the streets; it was more than a bromance that was forming. As they grew up together the bond they shared was unbreakable, so it must have been heartbreaking for Dagran when Zael flounced off with that floozy, Calista…such a bitch! *SPOILER* Although thinking about it, maybe that was the real catalyst for Dagran’s defection and the reason he turned into an evil wanker. It’s all your fault Zael!! *END SPOILER*
5. Princess Ruto and Link (The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)
Over the years, the various Links have always had some promiscuous female companion take a fancy shine to them. While most of them would just blush or giggle at the sight of Link, Princess Ruto took it that extra step and forcibly engaged herself to our hero. For any man, let alone a child, the idea of marriage is a scary thing and even though Link is not one for words, its not hard to imagine what the little Hero of Time was thinking. However, Princess Ruto isn’t completely unreasonable, as when the two meet seven years later she does allow Link to complete his quest before they tie the knot, how thoughtful. Needless to say this doesn’t happen due to Zelda transporting Link back to his childhood days, leaving the adult Zoran Princess wondering where her groom-to-be is as she goes over the wedding plans. Who would’ve thought that Zelda was such a jealous mare?
4. Melia and Shulk (Xenoblade Chronicles)
Within the first hour of Xenoblade Chronicles, Shulk loses the girl that he has the hots for. Fiora, a childhood friend, who also fancied the pants of Shulk is mercilessly gutted and slain right in front of Shulk’s eyes. If you didn’t already know that by now, then I’m sorry, but the game has been out for over a year and it’s not like I’ve spoiled an end-game moment or anything. Anyway, Fiora’s shocking death leads Shulk onto a raging revenge quest and nothing is going to stop him from sticking his sword up the murderer’s nether-regions.
Along the way he meets various characters that join his mission, one of them being the naive, innocent princess, Melia. The Princess of Alcamoth has led quite a sheltered life, but as soon as she lays eyes on Shulk she becomes a giggly, blushing, horny, schoolgirl that wants nothing more then to have Shulk hold her in his Monado wielding arms. Melia also receives love advice from Xenoblade vixen, Sharla, who eggs on the princess to ‘go for it’ before it’s too late. *SPOILER* Unfortunately for Melia, it does become too late, as Fiora returns as an arse-kicking, cooking loving, half robot that reignites her passion for Shulk by snogging his face off on a desolate beach. *END SPOILER* Poor Melia, looks like she’ll have to settle for Dunban… or Riki.
3. Any Fire Emblem Romance that ends with a Character’s Death (Fire Emblem)
Fire Emblem’s perma-death is both unforgiving and heart-wrenching. Not just for the characters in the game but also for the player. For those that don’t know, if a character is killed during gameplay, they will remain dead for the entirety of the game. This can be extremely painful when the characters start developing a bond with one another and a romance begins to blossom, only for one of them to snuff it by having an archer shoot an arrow into their head, or have a wyvern sit on them. The fact that Fire Emblem: Awakening includes a ‘marriage’ mode makes the anguish ten times more unbearable. Of course there is a way around these losses by hitting the reset button and restarting the missions. But any Fire Emblem players out there will tell you what a tough decision that is after spending over an hour on one mission, only to have one of your characters massacred at the final hurdle. Stop making us feel this way dammit!
2. Bowser and Princess Peach (Any Super Mario Game)
Princess Peach is without a shadow of a doubt THE most useless character in the world of video games. The ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom has been kidnapped over 15 times throughout the years, which makes you wonder why the stupid lass doesn’t put a security system into her castle walls. The main culprit of all this kidnapping has been Bowser, who is almost as useless as he never seems to learn his lesson in that Mario will always come along, kick seven shades out of him, and take back what’s rightfully his. However, it does make you wonder why Bowser is so infatuated with her royal highness. Is it her cake baking skills? Her sickly sweet voice? Or her party trick which involves whipping a Toad out from underneath her dress? And what is it that Peach has that Daisy doesn’t? It can only really come down to one thing, and that is love. The loveless loser is only after a companion, someone to hold, someone to help look after his seven or so children; Princess Peach seems perfect for the role. Yet it will never happen, as Mario will always be there to ruin any romantic, life-long plans that Bowser had. You’re such a cock-blocker Mario.
What unrequited love could possibly be No 1? Go to PAGE 2 to find out.
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